SPANK BANK HALL OF FAME CLASS OF 2020

The hall has been dormant as of late, but two more ladies earned their way into the prestigious hall in 2020. Both of this year’s inductees are accomplished in their own right, and now they have this honorable, albeit creepy title to cross off their bucket lists.

Brooke Wells

If you’ve thought there was no reason to watch Crossfit, you just found one. My discovery of Brooke Wells had me spending the greater part of quarantine on YouTube watching/pausing her Crossfit events – every gorgeous, muscled, and sweaty video. Watching her may not inspire you to take up Crossfit, but you’ll develop a bigger forearm.

Emma Coburn

Who says that track and field only matters during an Olympic year? Watching Emma is like watching a swimsuit model in track shoes. She won a bronze medal in the last Olympics, and now she has the SBHOF induction to add to her wall.

I scrolled through my phone this morning while still in bed, groggy but hard. Searching through Pornhub while no doubt that Erin is doing her oh-so lame family Thanksgiving things now. She bored us all with the details last Friday and it was painfully boring and boring. Today is family for others who have families. I’ve never had that sort of Thanksgiving – the kind you see on all those Hallmark movies. Where everyone is dressed nicely no matter the time of day, and their hair is never greasy. And everyone is always shivering because it’s so cold, but you can’t see their breath.

Today I’ll eat Jack in the Box and watch TV. Maybe masturbate again.