Month: December 2016

Beer Goggles – Big Ones

Lonely and bored. Got really fucked up last night and went home with this really fat girl. Most unattractive girl I’ve been with. I couldn’t get hard, though. One of the few times I was glad that I drank too much. She told me, “You can jack-off on me if you want,” but I declined the offer. I collapsed in drunken exhaustion and we both passed out. I woke a few hours later, called an Uber and sneaked out during her snoring. I had the Uber driver go through the McDonald’s drive through window, which I only remembered because the empty filet-o-fish box was the first thing I saw on my bedroom floor when I opened my crusty eyes this afternoon. I lay in bed replaying the night in my foggy, dehydrated head, trying to visualize a much different version of me . . . someone who would have left the bar after two beers, declined the tequila shots, didn’t almost puke in back of an Uber and instead came home to a wife. I’m not there yet.

 

Ever feel like you don’t matter? I’m invisible to Melissa. I’m forgettable to Meaghan. I’m alone every single holiday. The Melissa disaster last night sucked. She basically kicked me out of there. Fuck her. I don’t need the humiliation anymore.

But another sad holiday alone in this apartment. Holidays suck all alone. I think of all my friends with their wives, homes and decent lives. Getting drunk just gets me in trouble. Tawnel called me last night – what a fucking loser. She called my cell and home number, but didn’t leave a message. She put some pics on her FB page. Just disgusts me to think that I fucked that. I got Kira’s phone number last night. She has mine too. She’s a little big, but I would love to bang her for some reason. Maybe she’ll drunk dial me. I wouldn’t mind.

I’m making the choice not to suck at life anymore.