Spank Bank Hall of Fame


I waited until the end of the year to see if any other beauty would make my annual salute to self-gratification, but only one woman was fortunate enough to make this year’s only slightly creepy list. So everyone clap yo’ hands say yeah for Chikage Windler.

With Minnesota roots, this now-Texas local CBS Chief Meteorologist has made the weather segment the sexiest thing in local news since. . .well, since ever. She’s a known runner around town and only a runner’s body could showcase the form-fitting outfits that walk into frame every evening. This beauty is Fox News worthy and here’s a couple of photos to make your pants tight.


(Click images for larger views. It’s worth it)


Spank Bank Hall of Fame Class of 2016

It’s the annual post that I know all of you wait an entire year for. Time to see who has spent the last year giving me day-boners at work and making lube and Kleenex steady purchases for my trips to Target. Competition was stiff (pun intended), and there were a few ladies on the bubble who failed to get the phone call informing them of this career-making honor. However, one woman stood erect (pun intended) above the rest and earned the honor as the sole inductee for 2016.

Tennis star, Eugenie Bouchard

(click images for larger view)

Not since Molson Golden has Canada exported anything this perfect. A glance at the pictures above and you know why Nike designs her tennis dresses with the male viewer in mind. And one look at those pictures almost makes me want to forgive Canada for hockey.


It’s that time of the year, folks. Time to honor the women who have spent the past year, unbeknownst to them, providing me with all the pleasure that one hand can provide one solitary, punch-drunk man. And when I am having sex with a less desirable woman, which is most, if not all of the time, it’s good to know that these women are permanently etched in my brain to get me to where I need to go.

So, joining 2014 SBHOF Inductees:

Ana Ivanovic

Ana Ivanovic

Ashley Wagner

Ashley Wagner

Aristea Brady

Aristea Brady

Nicole Aniston

Nicole Aniston

Please join me in welcoming this years SBHOF Class of 2015:

ZUSKA LIGHT – Online Fitness Sensation


Check out her YouTube channel to see this sexy fitness specimen in action. It’s not only her amazing body, it’s her thick Eastern European accent and sweaty Lululemon that has her rumored to be the next Bond Girl. Her workouts get results too. My right wrist and forearm have never been stronger since I started following her on YouTube and Instagram.



The Fox News lineup is so deep with female talent, so to standout and get the call to the Spank Bank Hall is a genuine accomplishment. Megyn had two kids and got even hotter, and her whiskey-kitten voice is just the sort of sultry sound I need to hear when I’m pitchin’ a tent in prime time.


I discovered this early AM bombshell after staying up all night drinking, and her body hugging outfits are a reason to wake up early to take care of morning wood.

So, thank you ladies. Men (and a lot of women too) are raising their one free hand in salute.

Spank Bank Hall of Fame Class of 2014

It’s that time of year, folks. It’s time for the annual inductions into Parker’s Spank Bank Hall of Fame (SBHOF). There were a lot of worthy nominees this year, but only a handful (pun intended) of ladies get the coveted call to the Spank Bank Hall every year.

So without further delay, joining current members Julia Ann and Nicole Aniston in the SBHOF, I present the induction class of 2014.

Tennis star, Ana Ivanovic

Upon hearing the news, Ana released the following statement, “Growing up in war-torn Serbia, I never thought I would rise to the level of Parker’s SBHOF. It was a goal that I started to aim for a couple of years ago, and to achieve that now is truly an honor. And I would like to thank Adidas for making the tights that likely secured my induction into Parker’s SBHOF.”

WCCO reporter, Aristea Brady


Brady                                                                 Aniston

An elated Aristea had this to say, “I know that my uncanny resemblance to [Nicole] Aniston had a lot to do with this tremendous honor. However, I hope to carve out my own identity through more form fitting skirts and sleeveless tops. Being the sole non-athlete inductee this year, I don’t have the advantage of being seen in revealing clothing with a glow of perspiration, and that just makes this achievement all the more special.”

U.S.A. figure skater, Ashley Wagner

Ashley phoned in from Soshi with the following comment, “My agent told me I was up for Parker’s SBHOF, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up, ya know? But I chose my Sochi practice outfits with the hope that Parker would notice and thankfully he did. Being the youngest ever SBHOF inductee is an honor not lost on me. I have many more years on the ice and hope to provide Parker with just as many years of self-pleasure.”