Month: February 2014

Cute Bad News

Pretty cool time with Meaghan last night. We met at Bull’s for lunch at 1:30 and stayed there for 12-hours. She was cool to talk to and we had a really nice time. The best part was that Melissa was working. She talked to me right when I walked in. I walked right over to Meaghan who looked really nice. She was dressed nicely. As we talked and the hours passed, she said she felt guilty about having a nice time.

So I sat there at the bar with Meaghan the whole time and Melissa sat by herself. I couldn’t help glancing at her, though. I don’t think Meaghan saw me. Melissa breaks my heart when I look at her. It’s the first time that Melissa and I didn’t talk and she didn’t say goodbye.

Anyway, Meaghan is really cute with a nice body. We sat there for 12-hours and everybody knew she was with me. We got in a brief argument and she cried. We left the bar and came back here. We got ready for bed and got naked. We didn’t have sex, but I went down on her and she gave me a brief blow job. She has nice tits.

In the morning, she said she was too horny to sleep. I looked at her 10-minutes later and she was masturbating right next to me. She was rubbing her clit and she had an orgasm. And she did it two more times right in front of me. Then she gave me a handjob.

She has a boyfriend, but she says it’s up in the air. I don’t now what to expect from this. I don’t expect anything, I guess. She has a history of cheating. She’s definitely cool, though. I don’t know what’s going to happen. Meaghan might be bad news – a bad girl. Really cute bad news.


Who Do I Want? Don’t Know. Fuck.

I woke up with a head cold. Alcohol weakens my immune system. Had a good workout today, though. Tawnel called today – WTF? Take the hint. I almost considered going over there tonight just to fuck her, but screw it.

A boring day and my checking account is -$46.00. I wanted to stay in anyway. I have enough food for a couple of days at least. If it’s nice tomorrow, I’ll go for a run around Lake of the Isles. I can’t believe how hammered I got this past weekend. Total blackout like the old days. Won’t be doing that for awhile. I forget how depressed hangovers make me feel.

I would love to be in my very own home – a house. I can’t face the prospect of another winter being this poor. I can’t live like this anymore. I feel defeated. Something will change. This routine of boredom, loneliness and being poor has got to end. I want my life to feel important!! I don’t respect myself.

I sometimes really think that I’ll be alone forever. No one will ever want to marry me. I have to get my life together. I don’t own things like my friends do. I am scared to death that I never will. I hate waking up every day and it has to get better. Would love to be sitting in my own house now. That seems so far away, though. God I feel sad now. Scared. What if I never find someone? I don’t even have that crush on Melissa anymore. Makes it lonelier when you don’t even know who you want. It takes all the fight I have in me to stay somewhat positive every day. Daily affirmations.

Loneliness, poverty – if Krissy saw me now I would be so fuckin’ ashamed. She probably wouldn’t even take my call. I don’t want her to be my only true relationship. So many sad things on my mind lately. That little boy I saw at Rainbow a long time ago who looked like my nephew. I hope he’s loved and cared for.

I’ll sleep now and hopefully not feel this depressed when I wake up.


The above pic (Ashley Wagner) is the pic I came to last night when I was fucking Tawnel. I had it opened on my iPad setting on my nightstand…focusing on it in missionary. Tawnel was okay with it. And I thought I had low self-esteem. She left immediately after and I was bored again. I went down to the bar and drank ’til 4:00 this morning with Matt and Melissa.

I told Melissa that I sent her the flowers and she didn’t seem that shocked. What shocked me is that she saved them. She said she hung them on her wall. I don’t think my confession really made a difference, though. Nothing really changed. She doesn’t seem to want me.

I don’t want anyone now. I know what I deserve, though. I need someone to want. I want somebody to want. I want somebody to want me. It seems so easy for other people to meet someone. Why is it so hard for me?

Another god’am snow storm here tonight. Cheney and Jamie are on their way over to ride it out with me. They’re bringing LSD or E or whatever it is they take for themselves. They’re stopping at Lowry Hill to buy a case of Lone Star for my drunk ass.


I’m Not Gary

I used to love to watch that show Thirty-Something when I was a kid. I loved it even though I couldn’t relate to it. I used to think those people were so old. No way could I ever imagine being in my 30’s. Now when I see it I can totally relate. Those people are my friends with their marriages and houses. But I don’t feel 30-something.

There was one single guy, Gary, on that show. He’s not me. They never showed the episode where Gary stayed up all night playing guitar. Or the episode where Gary stayed up all night drinking at an after-bar and hitting on a married woman. Or the episode where Gary died his hair and dressed like a punk rocker. I should be acting my age, but my age is fuckin’ boring.

Why won’t Molly take an interest in me? She probably thinks I’m a boring wanker. But I’ll never wish I was Gary. I wish I was Dave Navarro. They should’ve put me on that lame-ass show. I would’ve been the most popular character but I still would’ve had zero self-esteem.

Fuckin’ Tawnel wouldn’t stop texting me, so she’s coming over tonight. I’m going to fuck her while I watch Ashley Wagner skate her short program. How can I not? Ummpphh!


I’m lost. That’s how I feel. I’m at that point where I have to do something, but I don’t know what that is. No career or relationship. It blows my mind that my peers have wives and houses and I’m so far from that. I don’t know.

So, do I go to Los Angeles and be all alone there too? Something’s gotta happen. Where is my plan? I know what I want to do and I can’t do it here. Success is waiting for me…somewhere. But sometimes, like tonight, it hits me how alone I live. I am invisible. Who else lives like this? Am I gonna be alone forever? Where is my someone? Drinking, fucking and sleeping my way through life at this point.

On the upside, I got my first check for being a writer – $10.00 for my first record review. Not much, but it’s how Cheney got started…she’s looking uber-hot these days. Fuck. She texted me last night about an after-bar, but I passed. Fuck. I stole this pic from her blog, so she won’t care…

cheney 3

(Cheney P.)

But tonight, it really hurts realizing how alone I am. No one to talk to or joke around with. Alone. Alone. I’m allowed some self-pity. Pity. Pity.

Jobs and Apartments

Finally. Fucked Kim last night. It wasn’t that great ,though. Her pussy had a slight odor to it, but I still went down on her for about 30-minutes and made her cum. She straddled my mouth and then on her back. We didn’t fuck ’til this morning, though, but then we fucked twice. Came in her both times.

I walked her to her car and then I walked to Woullet’s for a large black coffee and two chocolate donuts. Lethargic – that’s how I felt. I sat at a window seat and looked out at Hennepin Avenue. It was its usual cold, dirty, gray, slushy self on a Saturday. One of my biggest fears (the list keeps growing) is that I’ll look back on my life and see just a series of jobs and apartments. Jobs and apartments. Nothing to be proud of or hold onto. Nothing. No career success to be proud of. Help me.

A V-Day BJ

Got a pretty good blowjob from an escort earlier today. She sucked my balls and gave me her personal phone number so I don’t have to go through the “house” next time.

I feel like I need to move to break the feeling of complacency that fuckin’ hangs over me. Everyone has something. I don’t feel that. Going out and hanging out at the bar isn’t like it used to be. Not fun. Fucking’ – a, where have all the good times gone? Won’t you tell me?

I kissed Kim last night. Met her at Chammps after she got off work. Had drinks and we kissed at our cars. She looked hot as fuck too. Her awesome rack bursting from a purple bra. She told me she had the biggest crush on me when I worked with her. We made plans tonight, but she hasn’t called yet. If she doesn’t, I’ll just go for a run. She mentioned sleeping over tonight…would be great to cum inside her and feel her tongue ring on my cock.

Tawnel called today – twice. No way in hell can I go see her after kissing Kim.

Too Late Even for a Handy

Nothing cool happened last night. I came home drunk and called some escorts on Backpage. No one was taking appointments that late – thank god, I can’t afford it. And I texted that piece of flab Tawnel. She texted back and said we will talk tomorrow. We haven’t talked and I hope we don’t. I was just really desperate for a handjob last night. Still am.

A hot girl will fall in love with me. It will happen soon enough for me. It’s gonna happen this year for me.

Spank Bank Hall of Fame Class of 2014

It’s that time of year, folks. It’s time for the annual inductions into Parker’s Spank Bank Hall of Fame (SBHOF). There were a lot of worthy nominees this year, but only a handful (pun intended) of ladies get the coveted call to the Spank Bank Hall every year.

So without further delay, joining current members Julia Ann and Nicole Aniston in the SBHOF, I present the induction class of 2014.

Tennis star, Ana Ivanovic

Upon hearing the news, Ana released the following statement, “Growing up in war-torn Serbia, I never thought I would rise to the level of Parker’s SBHOF. It was a goal that I started to aim for a couple of years ago, and to achieve that now is truly an honor. And I would like to thank Adidas for making the tights that likely secured my induction into Parker’s SBHOF.”

WCCO reporter, Aristea Brady


Brady                                                                 Aniston

An elated Aristea had this to say, “I know that my uncanny resemblance to [Nicole] Aniston had a lot to do with this tremendous honor. However, I hope to carve out my own identity through more form fitting skirts and sleeveless tops. Being the sole non-athlete inductee this year, I don’t have the advantage of being seen in revealing clothing with a glow of perspiration, and that just makes this achievement all the more special.”

U.S.A. figure skater, Ashley Wagner

Ashley phoned in from Soshi with the following comment, “My agent told me I was up for Parker’s SBHOF, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up, ya know? But I chose my Sochi practice outfits with the hope that Parker would notice and thankfully he did. Being the youngest ever SBHOF inductee is an honor not lost on me. I have many more years on the ice and hope to provide Parker with just as many years of self-pleasure.”


Wet Spot…All Me

Went to Frank’s party last night. It kind of sucked – only stayed for about an hour. I called Elizabeth and met her at Bullwinkle’s. She didn’t sound too excited when I called her. She later said she was trying to play it cool. She kissed me when she saw me. We went to Ann’s after bar party. It was pretty mellow and all. But Elizabeth and I started messing around in one of the spare bedrooms. Prior to that, we were were sitting next to each other and I was rubbing her neck and back.

We went upstairs and started messing around. She sat up on the window ledge. I took off her shirt and bra. She was sitting topless on the window and I started kissing her neck. We went to one of the downstairs bedrooms and laid a blanket on the floor. It was cool how we were looking for a room to mess around in. So we locked the door and turned off the lights.

By the way, Elizabeth looked so gorgeous. She was wearing all black and her body and hair were so gorgeous! We both undressed. She took off her tights and skirt. I asked her if I could go down on her and she said I could. I took off her panties (another g-string), and I ate her out for about 10-minutes. It was so fucking awesome. There was no odor and she tasted fantastic! My tongue was so deep inside her. She was moaning and writhing on the floor.

She pulled me up on her and put me inside her. I could hear Matt and the other drunk fuckers running around the house outside the door…right in the hallway. The room we were in didn’t have a lock. We had to place some empty boxes in front of it, but that wouldn’t prevent anyone from pushing the door open and seeing me balls deep inside Elizabeth. So that was on my mind as I began to gently thrust.

The floor was uncomfortable and it was about 6am when we started the sex. I had been up for about 24-hours straight, so I was happy that I was hard and inside her…no condom or even a discussion of a condom. I kissed her as I came inside her. She didn’t get up to pee afterward. We just lied there for about 20-minutes. As far as I know there is still a wet spot/stain on that carpet…all me.