A warm night. A busy week and I need to make some money. I got way fucked-up on Friday and was useless all of Saturday. I want so much to connect with Melissa, but it’s like there is some barrier between us that we’re both too shy to cross. We come close when we’re drunk but that’s it.
I don’t know why I look so forward to getting drunk. I feel like shit the next day and I always regret at least one thing. Jennifer is obviously blowing me off. She was supposed to call me today but didn’t – the second time she’s done that. Whatever. I don’t care even though she supposedly has feelings for me. I just miss the sex, but nothing else.
Earlier today I sat in my bedroom closet and played guitar while listening to a podcast about depression. I sent Jessica a text last night because I know she can get me some LSD, but she hasn’t replied yet. I want to try micro-dosing with her. Our friendship is comfortable enough that we can make out naked and then pee in front of each other.
I have to get some sleep tonight. One year ago sucked. Heartbreak and longing. Just longing for someone new now.