Month: April 2017

Guitar and Podcasts

A warm night. A busy week and I need to make some money. I got way fucked-up on Friday and was useless all of Saturday. I want so much to connect with Melissa, but it’s like there is some barrier between us that we’re both too shy to cross. We come close when we’re drunk but that’s it.

I don’t know why I look so forward to getting drunk. I feel like shit the next day and I always regret at least one thing. Jennifer is obviously blowing me off. She was supposed to call me today but didn’t – the second time she’s done that. Whatever. I don’t care even though she supposedly has feelings for me. I just miss the sex, but nothing else.

Earlier today I sat in my bedroom closet and played guitar while listening to a podcast about depression. I sent Jessica a text last night because I know she can get me some LSD, but she hasn’t replied yet. I want to try micro-dosing with her. Our friendship is comfortable enough that we can make out naked and then pee in front of each other.

I have to get some sleep tonight. One year ago sucked. Heartbreak and longing. Just longing for someone new now.

Lina’s Smell

I saw Lina briefly today. She leaned in close to me to show me something on her phone and she smelled young, blonde, sunny and I wanted to touch the faded blue t-shirt she was wearing because it looked so soft and I wanted to sort of be it. She had just finished working out and I wanted to touch her flat stomach, sticky with perspiration. She leaned in close to me without hesitation and she was unaware that the closeness made me nervous and excited. Her youth is what I see so many older women trying to hold onto about themselves but failing so miserably and publicly.

I’m out of food and grocery money, so I’m drinking a two liter bottle of Pepsi because it will make me feel full. I have an apple for later.