Month: April 2015

Let the Storm Rage On

I had the worst, most hopeless and depressing feeling today when I was sitting in my car before work. I was in the parking ramp, and it hit me so hard how unfulfilled my life is right now. I am completely unhappy in my job, not to mention constantly poor. And, I am completely without a prospect of a relationship. I dread the weekends because I’ll be lonely and I won’t even talk to anyone.

It made me miss the attention of Nita. For a few weeks it was nice to be on someone’s mind, and to hear an attractive woman say really nice things to me. But she has friends here and an active social life, so it’s doubtful I’m on her mind anymore. I was tempted to text her.

That feeling in my car this morning was so scary and almost paralyzing. I couldn’t believe that my life turned out this way. I have no one to share my life with and that’s the thing I need most right now. I felt so scared this morning in my car because it felt like it has no chance of changing. I am tired of these really dark days – they’re getting scary. The one this morning felt like suicide.

But then I was watching Jimmy Fallon clips on YouTube and came across the one below. I never even liked the song before, but I love this rendition. Here I stand and here I’ll stay. Let the storm rage on…the cold never bothered me anyway, bitches.





It’s that time of the year, folks. Time to honor the women who have spent the past year, unbeknownst to them, providing me with all the pleasure that one hand can provide one solitary, punch-drunk man. And when I am having sex with a less desirable woman, which is most, if not all of the time, it’s good to know that these women are permanently etched in my brain to get me to where I need to go.

So, joining 2014 SBHOF Inductees:

Ana Ivanovic

Ana Ivanovic

Ashley Wagner

Ashley Wagner

Aristea Brady

Aristea Brady

Nicole Aniston

Nicole Aniston

Please join me in welcoming this years SBHOF Class of 2015:

ZUSKA LIGHT – Online Fitness Sensation


Check out her YouTube channel to see this sexy fitness specimen in action. It’s not only her amazing body, it’s her thick Eastern European accent and sweaty Lululemon that has her rumored to be the next Bond Girl. Her workouts get results too. My right wrist and forearm have never been stronger since I started following her on YouTube and Instagram.



The Fox News lineup is so deep with female talent, so to standout and get the call to the Spank Bank Hall is a genuine accomplishment. Megyn had two kids and got even hotter, and her whiskey-kitten voice is just the sort of sultry sound I need to hear when I’m pitchin’ a tent in prime time.


I discovered this early AM bombshell after staying up all night drinking, and her body hugging outfits are a reason to wake up early to take care of morning wood.

So, thank you ladies. Men (and a lot of women too) are raising their one free hand in salute.