My Chipotle Crush

My latest crush works at Chipotle. She looks like an only slightly shorter Maria Sharapova. The last time she made my veggie bowl she had fresh hickeys on the right side of her neck. The time before that she had fresh cut marks on the inside of her left bicep. They were red razor marks that looked like messy hash-tag symbols. She’s an obvious hot mess.

It’s 12:45am and I’ve only just started drinking. I have a sixer of Miller tall boys that I will work my way through before dawn. Kim texted me that she will be in town the first weekend of February and wants to see me. We have a long text history, but the last time I saw her was 2009 when we got drunk at Green Mill, passed out on my bed and had sex twice in the morning before she left. A nostalgia fuck would be nice, I guess.


A big-ass burrito

It’s the beginning of the month, so I can afford things – things like a full tank of gas, Chipotle, a couple of movie rentals from iTunes, groceries. It won’t last long, though. I ate a big-ass burrito and a half-pint of ice cream today, but I feel good even though I only slept for a couple hours last night. But I am tired and my stomach is full.

If Carrie at work was single, I’d probably ask her out and end-up banging her. She has athletic legs and bouncy boobs. She’s at least someone to talk to these days.

I picked up some Nyquil today, and I’m going to drink some and get a badly needed eight hours tonight. I am so tired that I probably won’t even masturbate to Nicole Aniston tonight.

I said I “probably” won’t…

hottest babe ever

Nicole Aniston