Somehow, someway, I have a little over $100.00 more in my checking account than I thought I had, with no pending transactions or checks. I am tempted to take a trip to Half-Price books to buy a book or a journal or something…some tiny luxury to lift my spirits a little. But on the other fuckin’ hand, I have a utility bill that is starting to rival my credit card balance, so I should save it for that.
Being perpetually low on money has taught me that I don’t have to eat every time I feel hungry. I can drink water or brew some of my cheap, unfair trade coffee to curb my appetite. But I don’t have to eat every time I feel hungry. There are worse things that I’ve been through…far worse things than feeling hungry. I have coffee, oatmeal and eggs and that’s fine for now. Fuck eating.
I want to look back on this part of my life and think…know that it was all worth it. That it was all leading to somewhere great for me. It doesn’t make any sense to me now, but I hope it will some fuckin’ day. God must be putting me through this for some reason.