The above pic (Ashley Wagner) is the pic I came to last night when I was fucking Tawnel. I had it opened on my iPad setting on my nightstand…focusing on it in missionary. Tawnel was okay with it. And I thought I had low self-esteem. She left immediately after and I was bored again. I went down to the bar and drank ’til 4:00 this morning with Matt and Melissa.
I told Melissa that I sent her the flowers and she didn’t seem that shocked. What shocked me is that she saved them. She said she hung them on her wall. I don’t think my confession really made a difference, though. Nothing really changed. She doesn’t seem to want me.
I don’t want anyone now. I know what I deserve, though. I need someone to want. I want somebody to want. I want somebody to want me. It seems so easy for other people to meet someone. Why is it so hard for me?
Another god’am snow storm here tonight. Cheney and Jamie are on their way over to ride it out with me. They’re bringing LSD or E or whatever it is they take for themselves. They’re stopping at Lowry Hill to buy a case of Lone Star for my drunk ass.