It’s the relative “same-ness” of my life that I hate sometimes. Everyday mirrors the one before it. Come home at night after the gym and the nights bore the fuck outta me. The nights are the same, my apartment looks the same, I make a protein shake.
I’ve been trying to make it seem different at least. Watch less TV, read more. The same-ness of the TV schedule was starting to get to me. Come home and look at all the collection agencies that called throughout the day. Masturbate to porn – Julia Ann lately.
The cold weather doesn’t help. Reading helps a little except when I’m hungover. It keeps my brain from feeling soft. I wish I had someone to come home and call. To talk with and make plans with. I should get drunk night after night for a week and see what my scribblings look like. Probably would be nothing but incoherent lust for Melissa. I hate this month…dragging on forever.
I’ve even lost the desire to go to the bar when Melissa is working. I’d just sit there and be ignored by her anyway. I wouldn’t even go out of my way to talk to her now – but I still like her. Nobody else affects me like she does.
Sofie gets into town tonight. Maybe I’ll fuck her – wouldn’t be bad.